Written by Frank Michaels
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Sunday, 4 April 2010

image for Fuel Theft Leaves Western Hemisphere In Lurch
Venezuelan President for life, Savior of the Native Peoples and Supreme Socialist Boy Scout Leader, Hugo Chavez

Just after 10:00 am this morning (East Angola Time), Venezuelan President for Life, Savior of the Native Peoples and Supreme Socialist Boy Scout Leader, Hugo Chavez, called an impromptu news conference with all nine (9) international press representatives in his country.

"Somebody here knows who stole my gas!" The immortal primate of the Venezuelan People's Empire went on to accuse George W. Bush, Barack Obama, Richard Nixon, The Knights of Columbus, Walmart, 7-11 Stores and Walter Cronkite for the theft, before returning to his electric train set in the basement of the presidential palace.

In Washington, the second assistant under-secretary of the Organization of American States, Frederico DeFlintstone, tried to calm tensions by saying, "His Excellency lost almost 19 (US) gallons of gasoline to the thieves. This was no minor theft! But we feel that the common people of the murdering scum in the capitalist states of America, are innocent of the crime."

Contacts close to President Obama have suggested that the US may be willing to dispatch elements of the US Navy to assist in recovery of the missing fuel, but cautioned that once large supplies like this hit the black market, there is little chance of finding it.

In Cuba, former Savior of the Socialist World and Eternal Leader of the Revolution, Fidel Castro, was quoted as saying, "I hate those f**king Yankees! The world roots for the Cubbies!"

On a related note, a small stray dog in Natchez, Mississippi, urinated on a power pole... causing the complete shutdown of an oil refinery along the coast. As a result, gas prices in the US are set to spike to over $5 a gallon by this weekend.

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