Vatican City - Pope Benedict XVI had wonderful religious experience today, while smoking the Holy Bong. The pontiff needed to relax after washing the filthy feet of some fool in the Vatican's annual foot-fetish ritual. He wanted to have a real religious experience, and decided to smoke the Shroud of Turin in his Holy Bong.
The pope ripped a few feet of fabric from the Shroud. He made sure to cut some of the blood stains, too. The Shroud was very dry and was easy to rip into little pieces. The Holy Bong is one of the Vatican's least known, but most precious relics. Jesus and the Apostles smoked weed in the Holy Bong during the Last Supper.
The pope took a few hits of the Shroud, but felt nothing. He tried a few more hits, and still felt nothing. After ten hits, he gave up, and decided to smoke some weed with Sister Sinsemilla instead.
After smoking some righteous weed, the pontiff was red-eyed and completely stoned. Suddenly, Sister Sinsemilla saw something sinister on the pontiff. Red, bloody marks began appearing on the pope's hands, feet and forehead. The pontiff was experiencing the stigmata--the same marks Jesus experienced during the Crucifixion.
"This is so cool!" said the pontiff. He ran to a mirror to take a closer look. "Bong hits for Jesus!" exclaimed the pontiff, and took another hit off the Holy Bong.