Written by Morse
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Friday, 2 April 2010

image for ObamaNomics: US Agriculture Growing - Michelle Increases Size of Garden 50%!
Michelle's 'Victory Garden": A Suppository for the Taxpayer!

Despite falling poll numbers and the rise of unemployment and corresponding dissent in the US, President Barry Obama pointed with pride to Michelle's new garden as a sign that the US economy was 'back' and adding hundreds of more 'green jobs!"

Just as thousands of small business owners were shutting their doors and forcing more employees into the unemployment line, Obama heralded the 50% expansion of the White House "victory" garden as proof that his economic policies were working.

While Michelle led a band of non volunteer middle schoolers in the staged planting event covered by the summoned media, Barry stood between rows of rutabagas, parsley and collard greens, his teleprompters anchored securely into the ground in the fertile soil trucked in from Iowa to insure there would be a good crop.

The President lauded his wife for growing over 55 different types of vegetables and rare organic spices last year resulting in 'over 1000 lbs' of food used both in the White House during state dinners, and donated to local food kitchens in D.C., a claim not yet fact checked by CNBC, but deemed "chillingly accurate" by Chris Matthews.

An unintended benefit of the garden were the 25 pounds of snails recently harvested and served at an 'intimate' state dinner feting French President Nicolas Sarkozy, who was said to have commented "these are the best snails I've eaten in a while....puts lead in your pencil, and that sure is saying something, Eh?"

Sarkozy is 5'3" tall but is said to have 'a big un' according to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi who can recognize a slime trail when she sees one.

Obama pointed with pride to Detroit's new blueprint for urban renewal where they plan to tear down over 135 square blocks of abandoned squalor and replace it with an urban garden, "Can you dig it Baby?" he shouted triumphantly to the assembled crowd.

According to Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, appearing in worn farmer's overalls, Obama will be touting his "DIG BABY DIG" program to combat starvation and the ever increasing give away food stamp program in the country as a way for Americans to feed themselves and put local family run vegetable stands out of business.

Following the ceremony the majority attending were invited back to the White House for a Champaign and Caviar Brunch while a horde of non english speaking gardeners miraculously appeared and replaced all the newly planted seeds with mature plants lovingly cultivated in a Connecticut Hot House Boutique recently blessed with a $10M ear mark from Senator Chris Dodd, the original Cabbage Patch Doll.

The only blight on the festive event was the comment of long time White House valet Tomas Lincoln Jefferson III who was heard to mutter, "uppity Negroes....two years now, and still no watermelons!"

Meanwhile, the White House Blog posted a new poem allegedly composed by all the happy kids who attended the planting event:

Michelle, Michelle quite contrary
how do you make your garden grow

It takes a staff of twenty four
even though you wish for more

A John Deere tractor to till the rows and do the work
Lots of taxpayer money to spend, she be no jerk

Better look fast at this Photo Op, the garden it be awful nice
Next time you see it will be Winter, covered in ice

Frozen peas and string beans too, the kids be cryin out for more
Dis Gardening sure be too much work
Dats why when no ones looking
We be shopping at de STORE!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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