Written by Lady Godiva
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Topics: School, Easter Bunny

Wednesday, 31 March 2010

image for Easter Bunny runs amuck in Canadian Elementary School
Easter Bunny throws raw eggs during attack at an Elementary School

Police were called to Huffington Public School in Ontario this morning. (note: Public Schools in Canada are 'State schools' NOT posh private schools).

The alarm was raised by the custodian Peter Scrubs who noticed the Easter Bunny sneaking into school through a gym door, which it was later revealed had propped open for him the evening before, by his younger brother, who is Grade 8 at Huffington Public.

The custodian, on seeing the Bunny walk through the gym, blew his whistle long and shrill. The teachers in the classrooms who heard it blew their whistles long and shrill and this had a domino effect throughout the school, as practiced in 'lock-down' drills.

Some students panicked, as usual, and vomitted. One staff member hid in a closet in her Grade 1 classroom ignoring the 22 screaming 7 year olds who ran amuck and forgot what to do even after having had 29 lock-down drills during the previous months. Seven Kindergaten students peed their pants, as did their teacher.

Children in other classrooms were herded into groups and crouched on the floor with their teachers. The windows in the doors were dutifully covered with construction paper by the students in charge of such an important part of the lock-down procedure and the doors were locked.

Two older, arthritic teachers, who couldn't crouch down, were helped down, gently, by their students and 'lay down' on the floor peering up at the ceiling tiles.

Meanwhile, the Easter Bunny ran thown the hallways throwing raw eggs at the classroom doors and bulletin boards, which displayed children's work. He was screaming, "I HATE EASTER, I HATE EASTER", whilst terrifed children in the lower grades cowered, tembling in their classrooms and students in the higher grades choked back laughter and wiped tears from their eyes, as did their teachers.

The Easter Bunny ripped off any artwork depicting Easter eggs and chickens.

When the police arrived they stormed into the building through all entrances, located the Easter Bunny and having subdued him they took him away in handcuffs.

It was later revealed that the bunny was indeed an ex-student of the school who had not been allowed to join in any Easter activities or Christmas activities when he had attended Huffington Elementary School.

The fact that his parents were Jehovah's Witnesses and took him to Kingdom Hall every Sunday, was taken into account at his sentencing. His brother, who had left the gym door propped open for him is to appear in court with 'The Easter Bunny' next week.

Both boys cannot be named as they are both under 15 years of age.

Suitable Community Service 'sentences' are being considered at this time. Some suggestions are:

a) Have the two boys organize an Easter Egg Hunt at the
school for Primary Classes.

b) Take part in the school's annual Easter Concert

c) Go to a minimum of two Christian services each during the long Easter Weekend.

Their parents say they would rather the two boys spent two years in jail than complete such outlandish Community Service activities.

More as this story unfolds.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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