VATICAN CITY (ABSNN) -- TheSpoof.com's ace Religion reporter, Skoob1999, filed this dispatch this morning following an exclusive interview with Pope Bentedick XVI:
"Ja, I'm pissed off that JPII got off so easily by up and dying five years ago. The only miracle that guy ever preformed was a vanishing act right in the middle of the sex scandals," said a tired Pontiff Tuesday.
The tired Pope was rumminating over the ongoing pedophilia scandals that have badly tarnished the Roman Catholic priesthood. He doesn't understand the "hoopala" over the continuing revelations of sexual deviance among the Catholic Bishops.
"So a few boys got sodomized. What's that got to do with me? I was not a Nazi. I have to get involved in pederasty?"
Skoob1999 also broke the news of Msr. Francois Dubois, SJ's legal problems this week. The ailing Monsignor, just out of the hospital for yet another STD, is "just one more blight upon the Roman Catholic establishment," said Skoob.
"I intend to out them all and thus keep attention away from the fact that I have no discenable penis," he told his editor.
"I had a penis," the Pope told him privately. "It got a bunch of itchy red scaly bumps after my fling with Francois."
"Although there is no absolute proof that Pope John Paul II was ever involved in child abuse, sexual or otherwise, he sure as shit doesn't have to deal with it anymore," said Bentedick.
"He'll be the saint; I'll be the sinner."
Skoob was not nominated for any awards for writing this pieceof shit--and no priests were injured in the writing of this story.