Written by Harold Q. Fuey
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Tuesday, 30 March 2010

image for SuBo fanatic gets lost!
Where's she going?!

An unnamed Susan Boyle fanatic on her way to Japan to see SuBo perform was last night found in Jamaica after accidentally getting on the wrong plane.

"I had accidentally left my glasses at home, so I couldn't quite see what the departure screen said. I could see a letter 'J' in there, so I just assumed it said Japan," said the fanatic.

"I started to suspect something was wrong when we landed. I took out my map and asked for directions to Tokyo. I couldn't understand what people were saying to me, so I just assumed they were talking Japanese. I eventually went and stood outside, when a nice gentleman in a woollen hat came and offered me a herbal cigarette. I declined his kind offer, and spent a few hours knitting a nice red woollen hat, when the gentleman came back. I thought 'oh well, when in Japan do as the Japanese do', and tried his herbal cigarette. It was well groovy man, and now evry ting irie mon!" continued the fanatic while wearing local dress after also accidentally leaving all her luggage at home too.

"I was going to phone my friend, but I had accidentally dropped my cell phone into a vat of acid, while accidentally tripping over my own wooden leg," admitted the fanatic.

"I eventually decided to find a hotel, but I accidentally tripped on the stairs, fell through an open window, landed on a spike, and broke my arm in 37 places," grumbled the fanatic.

A spokesperson for insurance company 'We Insure Any Loonie, Inc.' said "We're not insuring this woman!"

Other fanatics were offering their opinions.

"Och! Her husband shouldn't have let this wee wifey out of the hoosie! I keep mine chained to the cooker, so she can cook my dinner while I watch the Jeremy Kyle show," rambled a fanatic from mid-Scotland.

"We will, of course, be praying for her safe return. Only God can get her to Japan now!" enthused The Clappies, who obviously haven't heard of aeroplanes.

"We will start selling red woollen hats in our Tacky Gift Shop! Our members don't look stupid enough just wearing red scarves and Pebbles buttons!" said the chief fanatic.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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