Blood and milk flowed in Vatican City when a papal bull, Barney, attacked and raped the winner of the Happy Cow contest; Kirsten.
As everyone knows the happy cow was on a worldwide tour promoting the milk industry and the Vatican sought to improve its image by inviting the hot heifer for some Catholic love. Barney is a direct descendant from the stable of Pope Benedict IX and hung like a, well, like a bull.
Kirsten was immediately smitten and the talented babe started to moan, moo, and croon to the delight of the crowd but Barney was not impressed. "At first we thought he was playing hard to get but I guess she just didn't do it for him. He was udderly disinterested."
Being a California girl Kirsten was miffed at being ignored but undaunted agreed to continue her seduction while Barney brayed like a burro towards his favorite pasture.
Frustrated by the disappointed viewers the handlers of the bull took Kirsten's cow bell off and attached a set of horns to her head.
Barney went insane and forced his massive attention on the bewildered bovine for six hours.
Although launch was delayed the mission failed due to do the basic laws of biology and neither the Vatican nor Kristen is available for comment.