Warning: This article contains intelligent design and may not suit your hunger for sex and celebrity trash.
In a seemingly desperate action to maintain funding for the self proclaimed world center of science the Royal Society has filed suit in every English speaking country. The cause of the action is violation of copy write on any word containing the suffix 'ism' and the institution demands royalties any time it is used.
The action is a direct result of the bad publicity that stemmed from the recent Cash in The Attic episode where the personal diary of Charles Darwin exposed the organization as a racist based vehicle for world exploitation, bestiality and general bad form.
Joining the society's suit is the diamond monopoly consortium De Beers who admits it is seeking publicity for its new ad campaign 'Buy a Diamond and Kill a Negro'.
"This has nothing to do with that Cash in The Attic trash." Harry Hemlock of the Society commented. "This is all about our centuries long crusade to justify the Empire's money making schemes through scientific nonsense that can't be disproved. It's time to take the gloves off. The intelligent design clowns have brought the war to our stoop in order to undermine our 'Keep God Dead' campaign. Copy write protection is the corner stone of intellectual property and we own the rights to ism. We are just enforcing them." When pressed for details. "We invented Colonialism, Imperialism, Heroism, Hedonism, Nationalism, Racism, Sensationalism and Darwinism which spawned exponentially into Skepticism, Atheism, Fascism, Sexism, Socialism, Stalinism, Communism, sadomasochism and the list goes on and on. No more free rides especially for all you journalists and your idiotic search for truth."
Entered in documents filed with the charge and curiously supporting the action was the Royal Society's receipt for the document 'System of Nature' circa 1735 by Carl Linnaeus which in fact listed and defined the various races and highlighted to show Negroes on the bottom of the evolutionary chain. Also entered were the manifesto Mein Kampf which centered on one race as the dominant and other races, such as gypsies and Jews, as basic fuel for furnaces. More disturbing was inclusion of 'Origin of the Species' a document that supported the manifesto as well as tomes of English dictionaries, books, and newspaper articles written before 1735 that confirm no one knew what racism was before the Royal Society published its 'scientific' findings.
"I think the word racism, that we invented, on its own will give us the funding we need looking forward." When pressed for the fact that no one cares unless a story uses the word sex in it or involves a celebrity; dead or not. "We invented sexism and Darwin proved it scientifically by illustrating that since mans brain cavity is larger than a woman it's an irrefutable fact man is more intelligent. What really pisses me off is that we don't get any credit for it. I mean we were the ones that claimed 'Negroes make good musicians' so if not for us Michael Jackson would never have become a legend."
More offended than shocked we are debating paying the 20 euro surcharge for writing this article.
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