Reports out of Nevada's Lovelock Correctional Facility seem to confirm what everyone long suspected; America's All American Running Back, OJ Simpson, has slowed down some, and now has resorted to bending over the ball, rather than carrying it!
A recently released guest of the institute says OJ still is granted 'hero' status, but his "passing routes' have been curtailed as he has surrounded himself with most of the 'gay' population, who continue to flock around him and even give him 'massages.'
"You can see OJ more often than not bent over in the huddle, rather than standing alone as a running back or wide receiver," said Jack 'Bunny' Eversol, a trans gender hooker recently released after serving time for identity theft.
'Bunny' says OJ still gets special treatment from guards and administrators due to his Hall of Shame nomination, his legendary football feats including gaining over 2000 yards in one season, jumping over baggage handlers in airports, becoming a TV star and Football announcer, as well as being a pitchman for "the world's sharpest vegetable knife" long before TV's Billy Mays.
According to his former neighbor, OJ has also been polishing his stand up comedy routine, the highlight of which is when he proves to a ' jury of his peers' that the condom the prosecutor enters into evidence 'just won't fit.'
Contrary to prior TV critics who chided OJ for his verbal delivery, Bunny says OJ really can say 'shit' with his mouth full, and is still dedicated to finding the killer of his former wife and her 'physical trainer.'
Said Bunny adoringly, "OJ may be looking for love in all the wrong places now, but give him some time to prove his innocence, you can't help love the guy, and that's why we're all standing in line behind him!"