Chancellor Allister Darling, no pun intended, got himself in hot water after his budget proposal designed to rescue PM Gordon Brown who had climbed a tree in a fit of pique, crawled out on a limb, and refused to return to his office during the nation's economic crisis, brought cries of Outrage from the public.
Citing the nation's Health & Safety Laws, Conservatives claimed Gordon had gotten into 'his own pickle, and no one should try to save his arse lest they be charged with aiding and abetting a raving one eyed lunatic." So much for polite English Gentry!
Launching his new budget just weeks before it is expected Brown will be expunged from the butt hole of English Politics, critics are calling Darling's last minute efforts to rescue the PM as blatant buying of votes, and bowing to the stranglehold Britain's labour unions have on the Labour Party.
In addition to strikes by British Airways, and the country's trains, it was further announced today that the Postal Mail Carrier's Union, will refuse to deliver absentee ballots from any districts deemed to be 'anti union', and that Vote Counters, all government union members, will refuse to process any votes from Conservatives on Election Day.
The vote has already been threatened with Darling's proclamation that all lights will be turned off in government offices in order to realize "$1.5B" in energy savings and only proves once again that governments everywhere are 'operating totally in the dark, ' according to one anti-government cynic.
Another reason the PM may be up a tree and refusing to heed calls to 'Come on Down Gordon Brown' are recent inquiries as to why and to whom, he managed to sell off half the nation's gold reserves at $220 an ounce, with gold prices now hovering around $1100 .
Brown has since denied he sold the reserves at discount prices to fill a short fall in 'incidental cost of living accounts' for minister's second homes, moats, mulching and drinking contests whilst abroad doing the ' Crown's business.'
So far, all requests for details involving the transaction have been denied, although there is some hope according to the Minister of Obstruction , that a redacted report will be released "sometime after the election, depending on the result."
A spokesman for former KGB strongman & reputed Plutonium Cocktail Mixologist Alexander Lebeder, now an 'oligarch', co owner of the Evening Standard, and soon to be owner of the struggling rag The Independent,
vehemently denies he now controls 20% of the world's gold supply or that he personally knows the Prime Minister saying, "Nyet...I neffer do gold wit Gordon...Bastard!"
When last seen in public with his family, however, they appeared to be wearing at least 10% of it on or about their appendages.
Brown continues to assert his innocence over the 'worst financial decision in the history of Britain,' and claims, "I never took my eye off the ball' in defending England's financial well being, and remains up in his tree, high out of reach, and definitely 'out of touch.'