As if one Nobel for Obama wasn't enough, word from Oslo purports he's in line for yet another, but curiously enough, he's been 'deemed' to have EARNED this latest award : Proctologist of the Decade!
According to the Proclamation, the award was for "excellence in the performance of Miraculous Medicinal Malevolence (MMM), and was read while The Chicago Chorus flown in for the event sang in the background:
Hmmm, Hmmm, Hmmm, Barack Obama, He's Our Man!
Gonna fix what ails you, we know he can
No more toilin day or night, queueing up to get a taste
Step right up, no more waitin for dat govmnt waste
Let the rich bail us out, thanks to Bam let's shout about
Barack Obama he done walk on water, no need to call on Slaughter
Plasma TV's and Abortions too, ain't no limit now he's through
Sing his Praise along with Michelle, Easter's here and the Lord has risen
Dr. Obama has written the Prescription, Rid of us dat White Man Affliction
No more prosecution for our crimes an drugs be free for all mankind
We done be free, free at last, Holder done outlawed Incarceration
Barack Obama, Hmmmm, Hmmmm, Hmmm.
A spokesman for the selection committee that encompasses many representatives from the International Monetary Fund and World Bank said the selection was unanimous by voice vote. Some members of note included Idi Amin (deceased but deemed present), Robert Mugabe, Haille Selassie, Pol Pot, Reverend Al Sharpton, Hugo Chavez, Raul Castro, and Sean Penn who controlled 500 proxy votes from Southern California.
The official statement released by the group was succinct and to the point:
"President Obama has proved to the world that he has his 'finger' on the pulse of America today. Despite overwhelming odds and a 54% disapproval rating, he has 'bent' the will of the people to HIS will, overriding constitutional issues and common sense, while using methods heretofore only seen in third world countries. We applaud the fact that America finally recognizes the need for one person rule over the masses of the illiterate,and that finally, the outmoded idea of Democracy and Capitalism is dead in the Western Hemisphere."
The prize consists of over $1m in cash contributed to the UN by the US, and as yet undisclosed stock options in Obama Owned Companies Government Motors (GM), pharmaceuticals MERK, Pfizer and Johnson and Johnson, and financials; Bank of America, Morgan Stanley, and of course Insurance Giant AIG.
The Wall Street Journal also reported a massive profit in the Obama Blind Trust in recent weeks due to 'short selling' of Toyota Stock, amounting to
'millions' by one accounting.
Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, who celebrated the historic health care vote by cashing in his gift card from a lobbyist, spent all day in a tanning salon, and still managed to look like a powdered jelly donut, lauded the President again for his foresight.
"Next on the list is dealing with the Immigration Problem....the problem is we don't have enough immigration, legal or otherwise. The President will be resolving that issue very soon, as well as adding by Proclamation (ten) 10 more Supreme Court Justices in order to provide a more even balance to decisions rendered by the court. To insure non bias, five (5) appointees will be laymen from unions, non profits, community activist groups, and staffers from the ACLU. This will also aid us as we commence reclaiming the Oil Companies and bringing them into the fold of the government and known as "ObamaOil, LLC."
According to one UK Barrister representing Chevron, Obama can expect a fight!
"He may be a proctologist, but if he starts poking his finger around
in Big Oil, he's going to rain down a shit storm that's going to stick to more than his middle finger! Arse Mess Bastard!"