Paddy McSodabread, the Irish state Emperor, this morning declared war with the Vatican city after demands for retribution from the Catholic community prompted decisive and swift action from their government.
The Pope responded to the declaration of war by calling for the populace of the Vatican City to, "tool up".
On this mornings edition of Ireland's favourite breakfast show, Top 'o' The Mornin' To Ya, Paddy McSodabread confirmed that the call to war was in direct response to Pope Benedict XVIVIIXXVI's letter to the Catholic community requesting that they cut down on the kiddy fiddling;
"The Catholic community has let it be known that they do not take kindly to the Popes list of unreasonable demands. Since time began, it has been the Catholic community's God given right to enjoy the pleasures of their young. Who are we to judge the sick and perverted God bothering fraternity? Certainly not me and definitely not a Pope."
The Irish army, who are ordinarily found guarding the ends of rainbows, are to set sail early tomorrow morning from Dublin, bound for the Vatican City.