Austria - (Gay Ass Mess): The aggrieved choristers are blaming Salzburg Archbishop Alois Goth-Gasser and his Paypal (sic) chums for the latest sex abuse scandal to emerge from neo-Nazi Austria.
Decades - maybe centuries! - of sordid shenanigans have been systematically covered up in the singers' club, founded in 1498 by Pope Badass the Elder.
The choristers' main grievance is that they are expected to give up to 300 international public performances a year.
"Not even the most prolific cathouse in the world is expected to do more than 200," former choirmaster Gerhard Von Shaggenfuherer said today.
The choir is limited to 100 10-14 year-old boys at any given time who have to pass rigorous personal examinations to get so much as a toehold in the falsetto club.
Last year there were allegations that 'nuns on acid' took part in ritual sacrifices at which the choristers were expected to perform 'like caged animals'.
Pontifical secretary Monsignor Georg Gangswine is 69.