Vatican - (Bell, Book 'N' Candelabra Mess): Top Spanish Inquisition waterboarder Father Gabriele Amorth has named Papal housekeeper Sister Ingrid 'La' Stampa as the satanic menace in the Vatican.
The church's chief exorcist said today he had a hunch that Stampa, 69, is possessed and has been 'vomiting shards of glass and pieces of iron.'
"The Devil's in the detail, er... Vatican!" Amorth commented this morning. "Just look at the evidence.
"Hidden away in the domestic background, she can speak in tongues, exudes a holier-than-thou sympathetic demeanour and tries belittling me with her teensy, nipple-like raspberry cupcakes.
Stampa is believed by many - including Mossad, the CIA, MI5, KGB, Interpol, etc - to be Pope Joe Ratzinger's daughter.
Classified NATO files once named her DNA birth mother as 'God's Banker' Roberto Calvi's twin sister.
Papal gofer Monsignor Georg Gangswine is a Scientology implant.