Written by Jaggedone
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Wednesday, 10 March 2010

image for Oldest women on the planet is Spoof writers Grandma, she's been stuck in her rocking chair for 50 of them!
Proof of immortality, if Keith can reach 67 then mystery granny can certainly top 130 + Vodka!

The oldest women on the planet is 130 and one of the Spoof's more "wayward weirdo" (starts with J and ends with E) writers claims to be her Grandchild!

This women has been seen wandering in an abandoned hotel stuck on a hill in Tunbridge Wells.

At night her shadow can be seen lit by a torch carrying a rather "JAGGED" object.

The mystery writer wishes to put his claim to fame forward because Spoof writing has its limitations.

Here his press statement:

"The vodka boozing Hag in Georgia is fake, my grandmother is the oldest women on the planet, she spent 80 years of her life as a 'Madame' exercising nocturnal activities, even Lloyd George was one of her clients!

"Then she was booted out and ever since then she's been either sitting in her rocking chair or frightening the shit out of people taking their fido's for an evening stroll."

There had been complaints about a certain odour seeping through the cracked walls but that was long ago.

Our mysterious writer has been seen entering the adandoned house dressed as Anthony Perkins with a bottle of vodka in his hand, a missing blonde wig and still claims OAP benefits for his granny! (slightly suspicious)

All doubts that this outrageous claim could be a hoax were put to rest as Granny was seen sipping vodka on the BBC being given to her/him by her great, great grandson called Norman.

As for the Georgian Hag, another mystery Spoof writer claimed he had had an affair with her, his name shall also remain anonymous but he resides in Moscow and drinks Earl Grey tea diced with vodka and hasn't felt the same since!

Make Jaggedone's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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