Written by Bill Licks
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Sunday, 7 March 2010

image for UK and Holland agree to melt Iceland
Iceland - Just a big pile of frozen water and nothing else

As the population of Iceland prepare to vote 'No' in a referendum to pay back the UK and Holland after the collapse of Icesave Bank in 2008, the British and Dutch governments have agreed to send a task force of debt collectors to deliver a simple message.

PAY UP OR WE'LL MELT YOU

Icelanders are angry at being expected to pay for the actions of clueless bankers and greedy British and Dutch investors who were stupid enough to put their money into a ridiculously high investment savings account in a foreign country.

As the name suggests, Iceland is a land that is made of ice. It may appear in some photographs to have green fields but they are made of the astroturf that was discarded by several English football clubs back in the nineties.

The army of bailiffs will be armed with portable heaters, hairdryers and hot water bottles. On the command from Prime Minister Gordon Brown, the debt collectors will surround the island and place the hot water bottles at strategic points to show the mocking Icelanders that they mean business.

If the locals refuse to pay up, the hairdryers will be activated and aimed directly at Reykjavik where everyone lives. This should then hopefully prompt the Icelanders to empty their wallets into the money bags that will be handed out by the debt collectors.

If they still refuse then the portable electric heaters will be turned up to maximum power and the whole island will be melted leaving the plucky Icelanders to face a watery grave if they don't own boats or can't find any whales to escape on the back of.

Iceland's Prime Minister, Bjork Guomundsdottir, was unavailable for comment. However, she is said to be disgusted at this kind of 'Human Behaviour' and wants the Icelandic people to 'Play Dead' in an effort to fool the task force into thinking that the operation isn't worth the effort.

'Big Time Sensuality' she said for no apparent reason and because that's the only other Bjork song this reporter can think of off the top of his head.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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