Written by Chuck Terzella
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Topics: Democrats, Elections

Saturday, 27 November 2004

Chagrined Democrats across the United States have been watching the results of the disputed elections in the Ukraine this week as hundreds of thousands of Ukrainians have taken to the streets in Kiev to peacefully protest the results of the Presidential Elections in that country. The reaction by ordinary citizens, from teenagers to old men and women to an election that has been widely acknowledged to have been rife with voter fraud and ballot stuffing has left most Liberal Americans wondering: ‘Why didn't we think of that in 2000?'

The declared winner Viktor Yanukovich, who won the vote in some areas by a margin of as much as 104% of the registered voters, which closely mirror some Ohio returns earlier this month, is the handpicked successor of Leonid Kuchma, the authoritarian leader who has ruled the country since it's split from the former Soviet Union. Both Mr. Kuchma and Mr. Yanukovich are seen as being beholden to Russian President Vladimir Putin and tend to look more to Russia for guidance, while Mr. Yushchenko is seen as a European leaning politician.

In what has to be regarded as the greatest irony in the disputed election, George W. Bush and the White House has urged Ukraine to not certify the election results until the voter fraud issue has been resolved.

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, " Actually we don't give a flying who wins in the Ukraine. If it's Yanukovich then our buddy Vladimir Putin will keep him in line and if it's Yushchenko we and Tony Blair will hold him down. We're just having a little fun rubbing Democrats noses in it by decrying the obvious vote fraud. Those guys have to learn a little sophistication with their electoral process; if Yanukovich gets it in the end we're gonna send Karl Rove out there to give him some pointers."

The only thing the two candidates seem to have agreed on during the lead up to elections is that they both have names that are really hard to remember how to spell and nothing short of a revolution could induce this reporter to even attempt to write an article about them. This reporter has more than once thanked God that he normally has to write easy names like Bush, Kerry and Gore. If Barak Obama decides to run against say, Dirk Kempthorne of Idaho in 2008, this reporter will retire.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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