Agents of the Central Intelligence Agency, with the full cooperation from Interpol, MI-5,6, and 33, and Scotland Yard, have discovered that terrorist Osama Bin Laden has been living in Great Britain for the past seven years. Once believed to be in caves in the Middle East, Bin Laden was found to actually be living the life of an Englishman in Lancaster.
The world's most wanted man, who was responsible for the 9/11 terrorist attacks on the United States, is living a life of ease and luxury. In fact, it was discovered that he runs an on line humor site in his spare time.
When Bin Laden, who now calls himself Mark Lowton, was found sitting in a local pub, he offered arresting agents a devilled egg, a toasted sandwich, and a beer.
The key to the investigation occurred when a Moslem woman recognized his brother on a city bus. When she got loud in her praise of him, it was overheard by other passengers. He had to silence the woman and has fled to Thialand in hiding.
With this lead, CIA agents were able to track down the evil terrorist mastermind.
Other clues from his identity came from his unwillingness to allow his writers to post anti-Moslem stories, his rage over insults to his favorite sheep, and his insistance to his landlord that he was actually a crossdresser and that he wasn't wearing Middle Eastern style robes.
Rather than holding him at Guantanimo, the United States has announced that Mark/Osama will be incarcerated in the maximum security section of the Moorview Institute (a Springfield, Illinois facility most famous for holding wife beaters and serial masturbators).
Lowden/Bin Laden will be charged with over 6000 murders and poor editing practices.