Written by Thinctanc
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Tuesday, 2 March 2010

image for US accuses Iran of leaking cheese onto the internet
Not even Wensleydale.

Tensions between Washington and Tehran are set to increase today as the US has published a report by the CIA accusing Iran's Revolutionary Guards of dumping tons of cheese across the web.

US Secretary of Almost-President, Hilary Clinton, stated at the United Nations, "We have no contention with nations that seek to produce cheese for use in cooking and leisure sports, but dairy produce has no place upon our digital highway and we will unhesitate in stamping this out."

Web security experts have noticed recent trends that seem to back up the claims. Gernhard Whenge, commander at arms at US-based ISP, NetTwang, told us, "We normally see a few buckets of Cheddar bouncing around the file-sharing websites, but there has been a noticeable difference in what we're now seeing and where. Now it's big sites like Faceboot, Feckr and MindGap and we're not just getting Cheddar and Red Gloucester, we're seeing Brie, Camembert, Blue Stilton and even entire wheelbarrows of Feta."

Though most commentators have dismissed Iran's actions as crackers, Seldom B. Parshall, Professor of Milk-Based Politics at Seemingly University, has cautioned against complacency.

"Yes, this is cheese, but this goes well beyond a bit of Stinking Bishop slowing down a YouTube video. What you have to do is see this from the Iranian perspective. They will have been asking themselves 'Can we put cheese on the internet and how much before people put their foot down?' and what we can see from this is that they can. And unless they see clear consequences as a result of this then they will start contemplating what else they can start sending down the web. How long before we see Granola? Tofu? Or even Lard?"

And there is already evidence that current events are reshaping the online landscape. Earlier this month Google threatened to switch off all emoticons in Jordan after government emails were found to be linked with fondu.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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