Written by Morse
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Topics: Cars

Tuesday, 2 March 2010

image for Engraged Japanese PM Demands CEO of GM Appear in front of Diet to Explain Malfunctions and Recalls of Chevy "shit boxes!'
Japanese 'Dung Beetle' Owner Considers Hari Kari After Being Informed He's 'Out of Warrantee" on His GM

Japanese Prime Minister Yukio Hatoyama demanded that Barry Obama, CEO of Government Motors (GM) appear before the Diet to explain over 1.3m late recalls in certain models of Chevrolet and Pontiac models the US dumped on Japan during it's recent bankruptcy. The defective cars are said to be contributing to Mayhem on the country's highways and a disgrace to Japanese dignity.

Obama took over control of GM and Chrysler last year in a late night purge, installing himself and Union Goons in charge of car manufacturing. Obama voided warrantees, cancelled franchises, and put thousands of Americans out of work but vowed to retrain skilled machinists and welders in the art of 'caulking' and community organizing. Since then, Press Secretary Robert Gibbs acknowledges that there might have been some 'quality control issues,' but said the final death toll has not yet been tabulated.

According to 'Scooter & Moped Magazine', the most widely read automotive consumer report periodical in Japan and Seattle, Washington, GM has been withholding notification of power steering failures in some export only vehicles marketed under the Japanese names "Dung Beetle", "Suki Yuki', 'Bird of Prey', and their most popular single seated econo car "Big Green Gor-san", the latter sold only in one color.

Incident reports cite the power steering mechanism can fail at the most inappropriate time, although most reported incidents seem to appear during entrance into high speed roundabouts. The circular vehicular nightmares are thought to have been introduced to Japan during early trading days when Britain ruled the waves.

Drivers report a sudden lack of steering control, especially during hi speed left hand turns, when the steering loses power assist and it has been impossible for the driver to exit the round about.

Adding to the problem is a 'car crazy' Japanese public that is always customizing their rides. Speed shops have been deluged with requests for high speed Lexus Floor Mats and Carbon Fiber Prius Brake Pads, painted to match the racing stripes owners use to personalize their vehicles.

In the most recent incident of cars gone wild, according to a traffic report from a hovering news station helicopter, 3 customized 'Dung Beetles' went round and round swapping paint in what turned out to be a 6 hour dizzying race in downtown Tokyo during rush hour which caused a traffic backup extending to the Emperor's palace.

As news spread of what started out as yet another GM failure, but soon turned into a thrilling racing event, swarms of Japanese NASCAR fans turned out and urged the drivers on turning the occasion into a celebration of beer drinking revelry.

The problem was eventually solved when riot police turned out, spread tack strips to disable the cars, and cleared the area.

Speaking for the Emperor, the PM said Japanese honour must be restored, and he expects Mr. Obama to do the honorable thing by appearing before the Diet and offering a full explanation and apology.

Since the President has been bowing to almost everyone outside the US lately except for US Taxpayers, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said the President would probably not appear in person, but send a DVD of him bowing toward the Rising Sun, probably not until late April, or maybe September when the Cherry Blossoms finally bloom in Washington.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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