Speedo, Florida - Sea World officials announced today that all killer whales in their possession would have their real teeth removed and be fitted for dentures. The dentures would be removed for working with trainers to prevent them from eating them.
"We feel this is a way to allow the whales to be themselves with the trainers, and even though Tilden is large enough to swallow a human whole, the lack of teeth will at least keep down on the blood. Which is quite frightening when it enters the water."
However, a major animal rights organization PITA, People Incensed Totally Against, said that the move by Sea World, would only aggravate the situation. "We at PITA feel that the only good fish is a free fish. Like when McDonalds gives away free fillet O' Fish, that would be a good fish. Now we know that these whales weigh close to 12000 pounds each. If you add that up, that's a heck of a lot of Fillet O' Fish. You know if you taught them all to play harmonicas, they'd be too busy to eat trainers, but that's besides the point..."
We had to interrupt the PITA spokesperson as they continued to make totally irrelevant points. Sea World intends to have all their whales fitted for their new dentures by this weekend in time for their first Saturday shows.