Tel Aviv - (Tell Him Anything You Like!): Mossad high command has blamed Peter Mandelson's fetid IRA birth mother, a resident in the Persian Gulf, for the Dubai hit on a Hamas commander wanted for, er, something.
Svetlana Khrushchev, 70, spawned the sordid prince of darkness after a filthy one knight stand with KGB/Mossad double agent Robert Maxwell RIP.
That makes Mandelson Cherie Blair's half brother and a sibling to Lord Levy, Tony Blair's former blind truss portfolio bagman.
Khrushchev ordered the Dubai hit after Israeli intelligence threatened to out her as the international godmother of a paedo cult dedicated to getting away with all kinda sick stuff.
Her elder sister, codenamed Peristal-Sis, once worked for Ronald Reagan and George Bush Senior as a er, 'secretary' (sick).
Since retiring in the UK she has worked tirelessly on perverting the course of justice in a massive cover-up of Thatcher's second, much bigger gerrymandering scandal.
Locals call her Sal the Slasher on account of an array of knives she keeps for gelding neighbors, door-to-door salesmen and anyone else who gets inn her way.
Gorgon Brown is named after the color of turds.