Written by Morse
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Thursday, 25 February 2010

image for Ivana Phuque Booked For Extended Ice Folly Show at The New Oasis Bar!
Oasis Fans Swarm Ivana After Debut Performance where She Showed Not Only Guts, But Lots of T&A!

Ivana, the generously endowed 'SWEDE SPEEDY' building on her Olympic Success, announced her retirement from amateur events, and signed her first truly professional contract with Management at "The New Oasis Bar & Grill', the UK's most popular T&A venue.

As recently revealed in 'The Spoof On Line', the New Oasis is the hottest late night club around catering to up and coming WAGS, wildly irresponsible millionaire teenage Soccer stars on the prowl, and projectile vomiting government elected officials.

In announcing the signing, Ivana's PR manager, Max Clifford, said the new headliner will be appearing thrice nightly on a newly constructed 10x12 ice rink featuring two (2) specially installed poles as props for her new routine.

Oasis management say they have completed the transaction to buy a brand new "Zamboner" machine to keep the ice in perfect condition, and said they were lucky to find a smaller edition of the famous "Zamboni" used to prepare the ice in much larger venues.

Oasis part time bartender, Skoob, said he can't wait to ride the new machine.

"This will be a real thrill for me," he said excitedly," especially since the rest of the mates said I can take the Zamboner home every night. I'm really tired of slipping on the ice and falling on me arse!. It'll just fit in the living room next to the new telly and I can also use it to polish the new kitchen floor tiles. The wifey should be thrilled!"

In addition to her lucrative contract, Clifford said Ivana, as an immigrant seeking asylum, will be entitled to a lavish town house, free health care, and a VERY generous weekly stipend thanks to the EU.

An overjoyed Ivana was heard to exclaim when told the news, "Wow, ONLY IN THE UK!" Clifford did add however, that Ivana's contract specified she be paid only in US dollars, which at least is backed by China.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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