Ban Ki-Moon, leader of the UN, has recently been admitted to a mental institute created by Sir Richard Branson on his island.
He had been asked to submit his statements on the trial of Tony Blair, which had been requested of him 1 month earlier. Sources say that he forgot to write these statements, as he was preoccupied with Delia Smith.
21 of Delia Smith's cookbooks were found in Ban's room, and he may well be diagnosed with acute erotomania. He has written numerous letters to Mrs Smith, many of them not suitable for quoting in this article. They contained references to Ban's desires, and even commanded her to "**** him up the ******* **** **** hole."
There are also considerable signs of mental illness shown in some of these letters, the most noticable of which being Mr Ki-Moon stating that he is in fact an onion.
Delia Smith is in talks with her lawyers about filing a law suit against Mr Ki-Moon, and it looks as if she may be aiming for a jail sentence.
For the mean time, however, Mr Ki-Moon is suspended from the UN until firther notice.
Robert Mugabe has volunteered himself to be Ki-Moon's temporary replacement. It is unlikely that he will get the seat, for various crimes against humanity.