Concerned about a rising death toll resulting from choking on some popular snacks, most notably Wieners, the Food and Drug Administration, FDA, got out in front of the issue with some controversial ads to help combat the problem which many say is anti-male, and extremely feminist.
In addition to putting warning labels on hot dogs, candy, pop corn and other treats, the agency also recommends 'cutting up wieners into smaller pieces' so 'they can be easier to swallow."
Several Male Enhancement Groups complained vigorously against the FDA hiring of Ms. Bobbit as she is widely known for having sliced and diced up her former husband's penis during a particularly nasty row over a Gordon Ramsay cooking show detailing the proper way to skin a rutabaga.
The common cry , echoed by many men, was 'what kind of message are you trying to send? ' Most said they are now reluctant to expose themselves to anyone they meet on the first date, and others said they'd now rather 'keep it in their pants."
Both Toni Terry and Cheryl Cole have endorsed the new ads, for no other particular reason than to promote 'safe sex.'
Elizabeth Hasselbeck was soundly rounded on by the other panelists on "The View" when she commented that she thought the FDA could have picked a better spokesman such as Adam Lambert, Barney Frank, or Elton John, to get out safety messages regarding Weenie Munching.
The former Mr. Bobbit, now considerably shorter in the Wiener Department, said he was 'getting by on less, but it's been tougher to find a mate...bigger really is better, when you come right down to it," he said wistfully.
The California Porn Industry said it would comply by putting FDA warning labels on all it's hard core products featuring Oral Sex, but said the ultimate responsibility regarding choking or swallowing should lie "solely with the consumer.!" A spokesman said, "Our insurance policy definitely rules out any claims of "Death by Dick", orally or otherwise. "
Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, speaking for the President and Nancy Pelosi, said the new Government Health Plan definitely will cover anyone 'who chokes on a Dick, or inadvertently sits on one for that matter!"