Written by Morse
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Monday, 22 February 2010

image for Hordes of Short, Tattooed, Flat Chested Reality Show Contestants Turn Out to Welcome Cheryl Cole to LA!
Hordes Turn Out to Welcome Cheryl to L.A. all Lip Synching Her Songs!

In L.A. today, where every day leads to a new Reality Show, and anyone can be the next tabloid star, the ranks of the dysfunctional swelled by one today as Fans turned out to welcome self exiled Queen of the Tabloids, Cheryl Cole.

Saying she fled the UK to avoid media attention after her highly publicized split from philandering soccer hubby Ashley, Cheryl was attended by 12 bodyguards, her publicist, 3 on staff photographers and her back up group of Lip Synchers, known as "The Silent Ones."

Cheryl acknowledge her fans as lyrics of her hot single "Fight for this Love' blared from 45 loud speakers, as she blew faux kisses, and lip synched "I love you all" to the hysterical crowd.

No one seemed to sense the irony of the opening lyrics of her popular song:

Too much of anything can make you sick
Even the good can be a curse
Makes it hard to know which road to go down
Knowing too much can get you hurt

A statement released from one of her spokesman said Cheryl wants to relax in anonymity in California and become just another "California Dude" soaking up the sun and laid back life style. She did profess that she was kind of disappointed that Soccer wasn't as big in the US as in the UK, but she did say she had arranged for season tickets to the Los Angeles Lakers next to Jack Nicholson, who grinned maniacally when he heard the news.

Cole, who was not wearing her wedding ring, attended a Hollywood welcoming reception after the public event, and met several other stars also not wearing their wedding rings.

Guests included Charlie Sheen, Rosie O'Donnell, Elin Woods, Susan Sarandan, Ryan O'Neal, John Edwards, and Bill Clinton who attended with Barbra Streissand.

The event soon turned political as Cheryl offered up her wide ranging opinions on world events including Afghanistan, public health care, climate change, the best Tattoo Parlours, and why Barack Obama should be the next president of the EU. Her pithy comments were met with roaring approval, and she was welcomed warmly into the LA fraternity of deep thinking intellectuals.

Tom Cruise, who was seen taking OFF his wedding ring, was said to be totally enthralled and seen jumping up and down on a couch after finally finding a woman shorter than him.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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