The Illuminati - the 'enlightened ones' - the highly secretive organisation of intellectuals and mischief makers has apparently been looking nervously over its collective shoulders following the emergence of an even more powerful and secretive group, whose existence is so secretive that it isn't sure it exists itself.
Chief Paraffin Lamp (his official title, not his name) of The Illuminati told us:
"They're real all right. We call them 'The Posse.' They come out of nowhere and disappear back to nowhere just as quickly. They're making us nervous. They attack so swiftly that you don't see them coming, and when they've done for you, sometimes you don't even know you've been done."
It is not known where or when the Posse first struck, or where they last struck, but some Freemasons believe they were weaving their dark magick at Goodison Park this afternoon when Everton defeated Manchester United 3-1 in a spookily uncharacteristic fashion.
The 'Straw Men' have reportedly gone into hiding with Martin Shuttlecock because they believe that the Posse is out to get them.
It is widely believed that the mythical Posse played no part in the Dubai Hotel murder of a Hamas leader whose name we can't spell, but did play a significant role in the latest Hairy Plotter plagiarism row.
More as we get it.