American Idol contestant, singer and fashion maven Adam Lambert said he was 'smitten' after watching allegedly male figure skaters compete in Vancouver in recent days.
"Those boys really turned the ice skating fashion industry upside down," he said in awe. "Their Tu Tus, flower garlands, and the tasteful buttocks enhancement really had me jealous for awhile. I think I've been a little too mild in my stage presence in the past, and think I'll bump it up a bit!"
Meanwhile in Australia the gay community, allegedly numbering about 12, most recent immigrants from the EU, complained bitterly about sports coverage from two of Australia's most irreverent sports casters.
Comments from the pair likened some performances to 'Broke Back Mountain", and there were not so veiled comments about 'not leaving anything in the closet."
According to the pair, there was only one heterosexual male skater in competition, a claim which led to discrimination claims by that un named competitor, who didn't win, that it was unfair to compete against 'sissy girls'.
The contestant, who might have been a former KGB enforcer, said he would be filing a formal complaint with the IOC demanding that in the future skating competition be broken down into three (3) categories: Male, Female and 'Confused."
Even faithful Olympic Fan Martin Shuttlecock, interviewed at the Oasis Pub in Portsmouth, said he was confused. "Got me Mate, tuned in to see some athletic blokes on skates and was confronted by some Ponces in skirts, bustiers, net stockings and "fuck me" elevated skates....I think we're on to a gender confusion confrontation in the coming years!"
TV Sports announcer Erin Andrews concurred. "I wasn't allowed into the 'boys' locker room until well after the awards ceremony and it was apparent a lot of time had been taken to freshen up everybody's makeup and hair. It also smelled like a french whore house...don't know what brand of fragrance they here trying to hump...but I almost gagged. Certainly wasn't one of Beck's more manly smells...I almost went "Gaa Gaa" into the toilet!"
Adam said if he didn't have such a lilting voice and wasn't so popular as a perennial Realty Show contestant, he would have been a Man's Figure Skating Idol. "I would have loved ice dancing with Heather Mills, but luckily, being a Pop Star pays way more money, but still, I think the locker room would have been more fun!"