Following global speculation that the Dubai hit on a Hamas leader was carried out by Mossad, the highly secret Israeli secret service organisation, we decided to look into the incident in the public interest by consulting with the only Mossad contact we have (Which we are aware of, because they really are a secretive lot) Lemuel Levy, of Golders Green, whose cover story is that he is a professional tea-taster.
We met Mr Levy at Maxie's Tea Rooms in Golders Green and wasted no time in asking him if Mossad were indeed responsible for the Dubai hit.
Mr Levy responded by remarking on how the weather has improved since yesterday and by stating that the Tottenham Hotspur Football Club stand as good a chance as anybody of taking a Champions League spot next season.
We moved on to ask whether the ten man/one woman hit squad, who all had fake identities, were Mossad agents.
Mr Levy replied by asking if we saw the Brit awards on TV and saying that he thought Liam Gallagher was a putz for tossing his mic and his statuette into the crowd like a spoilt brat.
We questioned whether sending eleven individuals out to commit a killing on foreign soil was usual Mossad practice, overkill, or simply a question of ensuring that the job gets done.
Mr Levy responded by complaining about roadworks and temporary traffic lights near Brent Cross shopping centre, before going on to discuss the financial woes of Portsmouth FC and the rising cost of a good quality Darjeeling tea.
We concluded that Mr Levy was such an efficient Mossad agent that he wasn't actually going to tell us anything newsworthy, so we paid for the teas (at his insistence) and fucked off.
More murder most foul as we get it.