Written by Caspar
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Topics: Language, Swearing

Tuesday, 16 February 2010

image for 'Fuck' Declared The Most Versatile Word Ever By Oxford University!
Fuck, yeah!

Oxford University in England is arguably the greatest seat of learning the modern world has known. Here, great minds have studied, and great statesmen, generals, leaders and all round nice guys have come out of this remarkable place throughout its noble history.

It came as quite a surprise today, therefore, when Professor IQ Humungus announced that it was the considered opinion of The Great and Venerable Band of English Professors, whose headquarters is based at Oxford University, that the most versatile word in the English language today, and throughout all of known history, is "fuck"!

Professor IQ Humungus explained their decision thus: "'Fuck' is a remarkably versatile word. For example, it can be a transitive, intransitive, active or passive verb. It can be an adverb, an adjective or a noun. It can even be a conjunction too."

The professor continued, "Contrary to popular belief, the word 'fuck' need not have a sexual connotation. In fact, it often does not! This wonderful word can even be used to create new word by placing it within an existing word, as in the example of, 'infuckingcredible' and 'absofuckinglutely'."

The professor went on to say that the world of academia had for too long been using this word in an underground sort of way, and now it was long past time that it received its proper recognition. Asked if this signalled a new, more open approach from the world of academia, the professor replied, "Fuck, yes! It certainly does."

I have been researching some famous last words of well-known personalities throughout history and discovered that many of them used the word 'fuck' in interesting ways just before they died. Here are a few examples:

"Where the fuck did all those Indians come from?" - General Custer.
"It's just a little drop of fucking water." - Captain Edward John Smith of the Titanic.
"Fuck America and fuck Britain too!" - Saddam Hussein.
"I guess the Third Reich is fucked now." - Adolf Hitler.
"What the fuck are you doing here, Pat?" - Billy the Kid.
"It's a fucking good play, isn't it?" - Abraham Lincoln.
"What the fuck are the Ides of March?" - Julius Caesar.
"It's getting a bit fucking hot here!" - Joan of Arc.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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