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Monday, 15 February 2010

image for Canada tells jealous, slovenly, pint-swilling, 2010 Olympics-bashing UK media: "Take off, eh. Suck it up tossers - Vancouver is #1 in the world!"

LONDONISTAN: Canadians are mildly amused at the hypocrisy of the British media which has embarked on a major Olympic-bashing campaign. The opinion in the true North strong and free is that the reason for this tabloid 'journalism' is sheer envy and unbridled jealousy.

Vancouverites, basking in the glow of their beautiful scenery, top economy and incredible standard of living in the World's Number 1 city told Brit hacks to "suck it up"

Exuberant locals celebrating the games in Whistler roared with laughter at the British self-righteousness. Well-known brothers Bob and Doug McKenzie said:

"They think we're still a colony eh, and are gobsmacked by our pristine wilderness, our beautiful high-class city with its complete lack of pretentiousness.

"What a bunch of Brit tossers, eh. They're pissed off that they won't accomplish much at these games so they're trying to dump on us. They're just a bunch of low-class, burnt-out lager yobs in a country that is coming apart at the seams".

The whingeing, petty lashing out by the Brit media has been written off as sheer jealousy topped off by a major fear that Londinistan 2012 won't be able to come anywhere close to Vancouver 2010. Most Canadians here said that was to be expected from a country whose leader had lied in order to wage war on Iraq, whose economy was among the worst in the developed world, whose politicians have made feeding at the public-trough a world-class 2012 Olympic event; whose social problems were increasing with the number of 10-year old pregnant schoolgirls and drunken ASBOs and whose athletes didn't stand a chance at these games.

A local mountain philosopher said "Such insecurity and fear will breed a desperate arrogance and nobody does hypocritical arrogance better than the overpaid, drunken, self-absorbed Brit media."

Asked if locals had a message for the jealous Brit media the patriotic crowd roared unanimously:

"Take off, eh - tossers!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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