Written by Stu B
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Monday, 25 October 2004

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The Happy Couple Take Questions at The Press Call

Former despot and dictator Saddam Hussein announced today that he is planning to Wed his prison Cellmate and fellow embezzler Martha Stewart. No date has yet been announced but it is expected that a spring wedding is favoured by the couple.

The former evil doer now detained in an undisclosed location, but thought to be Wisconsin, has spoken openly of a love that they both found unexpected. "I know I have in the past done some terrible things for which I must pay, but this love really feels like it could be a path to redemption for me" added Stewart. Hussein's love for the 53 year old widower who recently moved into a cell in the same block is causing some problems for the prison authorities who have banned the couple from sharing showers and walking in the grounds hand in hand.

Despite the best efforts of the authorities the couple say they have found romance "Our love has blossomed over the recent months, with each day, I grow more sure of it, almost as sure of my innocence" said the former writer of romance novels as he clutched a corsage of moss and straw that his fiancé had prepared from him.

When asked if the massacre of thousands and the disgusting slaughter of children with Nerve gas caused her any qualms at all Stewart replied "A man who can find a way of making drapes for the one cell window he has out of toilet paper and an unwound sock is a man I can love, I don't care who he was before, I love who is now, and that's a good thing"

Stewart is serving five months for securities fraud when she alleged to have traded without insider knowledge of the internal dealings of a major pharmaceutical company. She still maintains her innocence although she did ask for 912 crime against fashion to be taken into consideration at sentencing.

Hussein was recently visited by General Colin Powell whom he has asked to be his best man. The apparently reformed war monger and accomplished liar is still considering whether to accepts Hussein's kind offer.

The small question of Hussein's existing Wife was quickly glossed over at the press conference but later reports of a speedy divorce being planned leaked out. Apparently Hussein has asked the authorities for a AT&T calling card so that he can call the Current Mrs Hussein in her Bradford home and pronounce "I divorce thee" three times.

Miss Stewart is, of course, a virgin since surgery last fall.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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