Written by Jalapenoman
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Monday, 8 February 2010

image for Rufus T. Firefly, World's Oldest Living Ruler, Dies in Freedonia
Firefly (center) with Chicolini (above) and Pinky (right)

The world's oldest living ruler, Rufus T. Firefly, passed away at his home in Freedonia yesterday. Firefly has been the President of Freedonia since 1933 and guided the nation through it's bankruptcy and war with neighboring Sylvania. He was 150 years old.

Upon his death, his closest advisor and friend, a non-Freedonia native of Italian decent, Chicolini is expected to assume leadership of the very small European nation. Some believe that the long lived advisor may have been a brother to the President.

Funeral services will be held Wednesday afternoon and Duck Soup will be served at the memorial luncheon.

Firefly is preceeded in death by his wife, the former Ms. Gloria Teasdale, and 213 mistresses. He is survived by 87 mistresses and 243 children. He was also preceeded in death by General Bob Roland, his aide-de-camp during the Sylvanian War.

A harp and horn solo will be performed at his services by long time court musician Pinky (who may or may not have been a brother to the President and Chicolini).

In a recent quote, Firefly credited Viagra for his long life and renewed vitality in recent years.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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