When you're hot, you're hot, and right now there's nobody hotter on the planet than our very own Cheryl Cole, who has outshone even the Superbowl.
The Girls Aloud star, X-Factor judge, solo artiste, hair product advertising icon, sex symbol, girl next door, and sole truly popular WAG broke absolutely every media related record ever created this week by having her picture splashed across every single publication in the world, and by having her 'Parachute' single aired simultaneously by 7,822 radio stations.
On top of this amazing output she scooped a host of awards, including the person most people would like as a neighbour, the person most people would like as a best friend, the person most people would like to go out for a drink with, the person most men would like to wake up next to, the sexiest 5'3" woman in the universe, the greatest female recording artiste since Aretha Franklin, top universal fashion icon, girl with the sexiest accent, Miss fingernails champion, and so on and so forth.
Cheryl Cole is without doubt the hottest thing in the universe right now.
Being no stranger to the pages of this website, Cheryl readily granted us an exclusive interview, where she told us:
"I am not worthy. Really."
Spoof writers Colonel Juan, and Skoob, long time champions and mentors of the Cheryl Cole phenomenon in the universe were both moved to tears by Cheryl's humble acceptance of her total universal domination and hugged one another in ecstatic triumph.
But not, it should be stressed, in a gay way.
More as we get it.