Written by Daniel Bristol
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Sunday, 7 February 2010

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Hajarin, Yemen -- A Web posting early yesterday attributed to Osama bin Laden, has claimed responsibility for several terror attacks throughout the world. The website also has connections to some of the hottest lesbo-action sites on the internet for only $19.95 per month and excepts most major credit cards!

Three jeeps in the ancient village of Hajarin exploded the other night. No lesbians were involved.

Bin Laden's statement compared the attacks to the 2000 bombing of the American destroyer USS Cole in Yemen. The statement also contained several references to Yolanda, the hottest babe featured on www.hotlesboterrorists.web. Yolanda likes it when her girlfriend Stacy does "that thing" to her with the eggplant, sources said. Neither lesbian was involved on the attack on the USS Cole.

The Web posting also said that recent attacks in the back country territories in Afghanistan were intended "to hit the economies of the nations of atheism, which came to raise the crusaders' flag in the Muslim land." There were also several updated photos from Dominique's latest S&M Webcam Party, where she teaches a badly-needed lesson in obedience to her naughty subbie, Candace, who likes it rough.

Bin Laden's recorded statement threatens more attacks by land, sea and air "until the Infidel invader is either dead or signs up for the hottest lesbian action on the Web!"

There was no way to independently verify the statement's authenticity, but several sources in the CIA have confirmed, on condition of anonymity, that the babes on Al Qaeda's Hot Lesbo Porn Site are, indeed, "smokin' hot".

Abdul Ahmed Crystalmeth, current Al Qaeda webmaster and former proctologist, has claimed credit for a score of attacks on coalition forces, including the August 19 bombing of a falafel stand in Baghdad that killed no civilians, no terrorists, and no military personnel, none of whom were connected in any way to this article. Abdul Crystalmeth, suspected in connection with a recently updated upskirt webcam, has this one website where you can see pictures of this chick kick-starting a . . .

. . . sorry. *ahem*

Targets al-Crystalmeth claimed responsibility for attacking include "the coalition forces in Afghanistan, U.S. led forces in Iraq, the Legion of Krypton, Barney the Dinosaur, and several Snap-On Tool dealers." Al-Crystalmeth has also claimed responsibility for the hot content at www.spankme-hard.com, where you can watch hot young college chicks getting the discipline they so badly need.

Earlier this month, an audio tape claiming to be of al-Crystalmeth was published on a Web site. The tape claimed responsibility for the attacks and Middle Eastern intelligence sources familiar with al-Crystalmeth said that the tape was "100 percent genuine, even the part with the donkey."

Al-Crystalmeth, an associate of Osama bin Laden, had been named by the Obama administration as an al Qaeda member who fled to Afghanistan from Iraq in May 2008 for medical treatment and then stayed to organize porn sites. He came to Iraq with about two dozen al Qaeda terrorists, according to the administration. Washington sources described Al-Crystalmeth's website as "Freakin' hot, man! You should see the hooters on this one chick!"

President Obama, Secretary of State Hilary Clinton (who was in Washington for the five minutes per month she is allowed to appear in Washington) and other administration officials had reviewed the website. President Obama is said to have achieved an instant woody. He immediately blamed the Bush Administration

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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