London - (Hong Kong or King Kong?): A magnificent Valentine's Day conjunction of the Sun, Moon and Neptune this Sunday promises an apocalyptic start to the Chinese New Year.
Dazzling portents herald the Return of the Tigress, a rare twist on traditional Chinese expectations for the Year of the Metal Tiger.
The triple aspect emasculates Cold War seismic fault lines connecting the House of Windsor and its Chinese banking puppetmasters.
"Sunday's astrology masks the final transit of Queen Elizabeth's Death Star in her karmic house of cards," Hellfire Club soothsayers have warned.
"We see an old, gnarled and largely toothless hellcat meet her final destiny."
The Year of the Tigress is associated with untold bravery, mythical heroic powers and the toppling of despots.
Cyber spread-betting index Aintgottasprayer.con offers odds of 11/10fav about ensuing sweeping global change.
This may include a massive Chinese banking scandal erupting during the following fortnight ahead of the 28th February Sun/Jupiter conjunction opposing the Virgo full moon.
The European Union 'may also collapse' under the trail of the Tigress's shadow.
"The stars decree comeuppance time for the despicable scams of the 20th century," the betting site explains.
"Hong Kong's $250 billion smokescreen will snuff out the dreams of yesteryear."