Written by Bill Licks
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Friday, 5 February 2010

image for Lying, sex tape star and convicted drink driver named new England football captain
Three Lions on One Liar

Fabio Capello today proudly announced the name of the next English football captain today after relieving John Terry of the responsibility.

It's none other than the star of classic TV show 'Rio Plays For Laughs' - Rio Ferdinand.

The youth of England now have a new role model to look up to who hasn't just jumped into bed with a teammate's fiancé.

He may have 'forgotten' to take a drugs test once or twice, had a beer or ten before getting behind the wheel to drive home on an occasion, and made a few videos of him and his buddies on holiday sharing a lady or two. But at least he didn't give Coleen a 'comforting shoulder to cry on' whilst Wayne was happily entertaining geriatric hookers.

It's thought Capello chose Ferdinand for the reason that he was the current vice-captain, so by default should automatically be promoted to captain. However, when the only other competition for the position was a professional bar brawler and an inarticulate granny shagger, he decided to choose the liar on the basis that he was the one with the most recent clean history.

Ferdinand now has four months to try and avoid the front pages of the tabloids. Capello is taking no chances and is arranging for the defender to be cryogenically frozen until June 5th to keep him out of trouble.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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