The solar system is in turmoil today after Earth snubbed an invitation from the Moon raising fears that the 4.5 billion year relationship between the two could be heading down a black hole. The Moon has also learnt of allegations, revealed by the Sun, that over the last few years, Earth has been probing, an as yet unnamed red planet.
Sources close to the celestial body have revealed that the Moon is distraught after hearing this gossip and was now looking forward to the next Lunar Eclipse at the end of this year so she could have a bit of time to herself to think things over.
'It'll be a sad day if these two break up' mourned Earth's close friend Jupiter. 'I remember the day they met. All the planets went out on the gravitational pull after the Sun let us explore the galaxy for the first time. Saturn was a right tart, picking up several moons and taking them back to his orbit but as soon as Earth set eyes on the Moon it was obvious that she was the one and only satellite for him.'
'But I guess 4.5 billion years of monogamy can test anyone's relationship. I think Earth started to get jealous of me and Saturn with all our heavenly bodies. Even Uranus has got more than one moon to keep him occupied and that guy is just an arse.'
In an exclusive interview with the Moon, she revealed that Earth isn't the tranquil ocean of calm that the rest of the universe think he is. 'He's an arrogant bastard. For years he used to think he was the centre of the universe and that everyone revolved around him. He's the life and sole of the party though and I know he's always had an eye for a comet or two; he's been after that slut Halley for eons. But she only shows up once every 76 years so I think he now realizes that she's just a tease and he's not the only planet she flirts with. Recently, he's developed this bizarre self destructive behaviour and now there's a horrible atmosphere between us'
When questioned about the alleged affair with the unnamed planet she sobbed, 'I had a feeling he's been chasing after someone else in the last couple of decades. I know he's been sending rockets behind my back but I just didn't want to admit to myself that they were destined for somewhere else. I've an idea who he's been trying to probe but I hope he knows that he's wasting his time. That red bitch dried up billions of years ago, so he can probe all he wants, she's barren.'
Earth was unavailable for comment at time of print due to ill health caused by a nasty crack.