President Barry Obama, seeking to turn his political fortune around, has pledged to bring a new type of State of the Union message to the screen this Wednesday night, and also help to lower the deficit he created by accepting big name sponsors for 2 minute spots.
Press Secretary Robert 'Pig Eye' Gibbs appearing breathless and excited, says the President will abandon the old style rhetoric outlining policies, victories and vision for the future for the US, by acting as MC for current popular entertainment acts, political comedians, tap dancing quartets, and even a ventriloquist.
"We really having nothing to report, and don't want to take credit for this F*****g mess anyway," said Gibbs commenting to distrought Bi Polar Commentator Keith Olbermann before the announcement.
The new scheme, apparently hatched by Obama Chicago Crony, David Plouffe, his latest advisor, recognized Obama's Zombie Like Style wasn't appealing to voters and persuaded the President to capitalize on his uninspiring style and address, to adopt the mantel of former 50's variety show host, Ed Sullivan.
The Dead Pan Sullivan, an early version of Dick Nixon, very seldom cracked a smile, and much like Obama simply turned the show over to performers with the simple statement," And now....here she is....take it away Nancy Pelosi!"
Sponsors beat down the doors for the $6m a minute slots. First was Al Gore taking time to thank the Fed for recent loans totaling almost $1 B for a $100k 'Green" sports car to be built in Finland, a new plant in California for Coupe and Sedan Versions to sell at over $50k, and to enhance his hedge fund bid to buy Saab from Government Motors (wink, wink) in a sealed bid process.
Following hot on his heels is the workers union off shoot of Acorn that prides itself on illegal alien members, and it's millions of dollar support for the Democratic Party, despite looming indictments, accusations of fraud, embezzlement and government sponsored prostitution.
According to marketing exec & Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner, paid political ads are coming in from strongmen from Venezuela, Yemen, Syria, Iran and even a strong protest from France who is taking issue with the handling of the Haiti earthquake situation saying the American Rescue Workers can't speak French, and are confusing the looters who refuse to raise their arms when confronted by Police.
White House Social Secretary Desiree Rogers is busy handing out tickets for the event to "Very Special Friends of Obama" now that it has been announced that not one Republican legislator will attend the event citing 'prior commitments', and a real fear of catching 'swine flu."
Michelle Obama will be wearing a striking sleeveless multi coloured custom gown especially crafted and sewn for her in China. She will also be debuting a completely new makeup line for Mabel Leene Johnson, a child hood friend, and is said to be looking forward to her role as "Clarabelle" in a satirical skit mocking Sarah Palin while featuring Chris Matthews pulling Keith Olbermann's strings as a noted ventriloquist and his wooden dummy, Howdy Doody!
Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi and Barbara Boxer will reprise the nostalgic TV Classic in the title roles of Kukla, Fran & Ollie.