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Topics: Cars, Bono

Friday, 22 January 2010

image for "I Invented The Volkswagen Passat," Claims Bono
Oh b' Jesus it's a nice car.

Bono, the humanitarian and lead singer of U2, has claimed that he created the German passenger car, the Volkswagen Passat.

This was one of a number of bizarre claims made by the singer at a press conference where Peter Robinson announced that he was stepping down from his position as Irish First Minister for a period of six weeks. Although Bono was not actually at the podium, he jumped up from his seat in the press area a number of times to interrupt Mr. Robinson as he was fielding questions.

"It was really very strange," said one journalist who attended the conference. "It was as if he was trying to trump Peter Robinson. Every time he was asked a question Bono would stand up and announce something that he had supposedly invented. Initially we were all quite intrigued but eventually we just had to ignore him. I mean, I'm not entirely sure who invented the spoon, but I'm quite certain it wasn't Bono."

When quizzed about his unusual behaviour Bono cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted, "Someone's got it in for me, they're planting stories in the press."

He then knelt down and began stroking a picture of Anne Frank that he had taken from his jacket pocket and whispered, "I'm sorry I couldn't save you."

This incident follows a string of increasingly erratic episodes from Bono over the past few months.

In December of last year he turned up unannounced at the United Nations climate change conference in Copenhagen wearing a Superman costume and told journalists that there would be no Christmas this year because "Santa had melted."

Shortly after this he announced via his website that he would be relocating his family to live in a shanty town in Kenya whilst he wrote the next U2 album and would be replacing all other members of the band with children who lived there. He then posted a further blog claiming that he would also be writing the new Coldplay album during this period.

The same blog also mentioned that he was currently being heavily influenced by "the music of Margaret Thatcher."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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