Written by Morse
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Thursday, 21 January 2010

image for John Edwards Finally Admits Paternity, But Blasts Sperm Bank for "Reckless Distribution of Assets' and Not Safeguarding His 'Deposit!'
Skoob isn't Only One with Wrabbit Habit: John Edwards Admits to Love Child But Blames it on Sperm Bank!

John Edwards came out of hiding from his 28,000 square foot mansion today to finally take responsibility for fathering 'a love child' in an affair that derailed his 2008 presidential bid.

While admitting that DNA conclusively confirmed the child was his, he took the time to echo sentiments from President Barry Obama, blasting banks for their lack of control, reckless distribution of assets, and unconscionable 'bonus' payments awarded to CEOs.

"I'm no different than millions of other Americans," said the well coiffed multi millionaire who made his money off bogus class action civil suits, " when I made my Deposit to my local Sperm Bank, I thought I was investing in my future! Little did I know, until this unfortunate incident, that my substantial deposit was going to be used to fertilize someone else's nest egg!"

This was a not so subtle reference to a somewhat kookie fan who aides say wheedled her way onto the campaign, and eventually into Edward's bedroom while his wife was away having chemo therapy.

Edwards times his announcement today to coincide with Obama's speech bashing big banks, again, to take the heat off the recent outpouring of rejection to his policies reflected in the recent Massachusetts senate election.

Insiders say his timing may have something to do with the imminent release of a tell all book from a former aide who took the heat for the paternity of the child to deflect attention away from Edwards during his Presidential run.

Liker Tiger Woods, Edwards has been off the radar screen except for a recent report where he was seen stalking a local cocktail hostess who had no trouble rebuffing the ego inflated lawyer. "I never sleep with anyone who has better hair then me," she told a reporter, "and besides, I'm sure he couldn't get it up when the time came to perform...especially when I told him I was a Tea Bagger!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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