Shocking news is seeping out of Haiti that the earthquake was actually no earthquake at all!
Aid workers in Haiti saw 2 slightly fried, marine, Al Qaeda turbans drifting towards the beach with "The Great one" written on the front and "Bin Laden son of the Great One" on the back.
It turns out that Bin Laden had actually bought a rusty old Russian, cold war "Nuke Sub" without a Navi system.
Bin, was warned about this default whilst purchasing the "rusty bucket" but told the Russian arm dealers, "we need not navigation, The Great One will guide us, infidel communist pigs!"
Anyway, it all went wrong as the SS (Suicide Sub) heading for Florida got caught up in a Bermuda Triangle "water hose" which completely threw "The Great One" off course!
Drifting aimlessly in the Caribbean the 2 SS marines periscoped and saw the US flag flying over Guantanamo Bay and thought "The Great one" is really Almighty!
They drifted further and BOOM, after hitting a coral reef off the coast of Haiti, the 2 nuke torpedos exploded underwater, hence, an explosion rating 9 on the Richter scale causing Haiti to quake!
Bin Laden gave an interview to Aljazeera Arabia quoting: "I have no blame for this awful disaster, if the "Great One" wishes that 50000 Haitians must perish, so be it, it is an act of GOD, especially that infidel Satanist Voodoo President and his palace!"
As for the attack on the US he said: "next time I will buy a US, SS, they're safer, avoid the Bermuda Triangle and the "Great One" and I will target the Golden Gate Bridge, San Francisco, we hate Homo's!"