Pat Clobbertson, Head Honcho of the "666 Club" stated today that the devastating earthquake that killed tens of thousands was "just part of the deal" Haitians made with the Devil to assist in disposing of their French Masters in 1804.
"Only through the Satanic Pact I brokered is there any freedom at all for them evil Haitians" "and periodically, they must pay" said Clobbertson, babbling references from Napoleon III to the Katrina Hurricane. "Purgatory is where some of them are now, but sadly, there is no escape; I am the purveyor of all that man can see and cannot see; and thus I and I alone, know..
Moving onto brighter subject matter, Clobbertson began ranting about 40,000,000 murdered unborn babies in America, and said "if you think the Haitian earthquake was a whopper, wait 'till you see my wrath next..."
Clobbertson quickly corrected his statement for the media, replacing "my" with "God's" indicating he still lacks at least one promotion to head up both inter-universe agencies.
One reporter also mentioned to Clobbertson that the former slaves in Haiti were not under French rule when Napoleon III was born, much less when he was ruler of France in the mid 19th century. Clobbertson responded smilingly, saying "whatever, the Devil wears different faces all the time, and I can't keep up with all of them, but they know who I am, and that's why I'm a rich guy."
At the end of the interview, FOX-N-HenHouse News indicated one time White House wannabe Sarah Palin would be hosting a segment on Haiti and its long time association with the Devil during Prime Time News. Collegue "Never-A-Factor Bill O'Reilly stated "it should be riveting", so "every American should "Rush" to watch FOX-N-Henhouse News."
Reporting in Front of the Tithing Plate,