Written by Jalapenoman
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Thursday, 14 January 2010

image for Hollywood Starlets Send Donations To Victims Left Homeless By Haiti Earthquake
It's a beach to live in Haiti right now

Donations have been pouring into relief shelters all over the world to be shipped to the victims of the earthquake in Haiti. That catastophe, which may claim as many as 100,000 lives, is bringing out the charitable giver in people all over the globe.

The entertainment community in Hollywood is no exception to the rule. The cast of the television medical shows, such as Scrubs and Grey's Anatomy, have donated many of the medical supplies and equipment used on their shows for disaster relief and treatment.

Britney Spears has also volunteered to help. She has sent 10,000 8x10 glossies of her naked vagina pictures to the island "because I know that them folks lost all their photographs and such is the disaster."

Jessica Simpson is sending 2000 curling irons and 2500 blow dryers. "These were extras that I had lying around and I think that they can help. You can't be happy if you don't look pretty."

Paris Hilton had volunteered to purchase tiny chihuahuas for 3000 island residents, but backed off when she found out that many dogs and cats are being used for food right now. Instead, she volunteered to send some coupons for free Dominoes Pizza (even though there is not currently an operating Dominoes on the island).

Ryan Seacrest offered to not look as perky for a day in memorium to the dead, and even offered to pout for five minutes on the air on one of his many television or radio shows. He then said that he would ship every copy of his autobiography he could find to the distressed (most of these are on the bargain tables at bookstores). When told of the offer, one relief worker was pleased as "most of these people could use some toilet paper, and I've been told that his story is for shit."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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