In a bombshell of an anti trust law suit which threatens free speech and protection of journalistic sources, Spoof Writer Abel Rodriquez has been targeted by the giants in the media industry for continuously beating them to the punch on breaking stories.
Rodiquez, who has never been seen in public, and spends most of his time tending to his herd of Chupacabras on his 200,000 acre windswept ranch somewhere to the northeast of Bordello Falls, which is located to the right of the left coast of California, now gets more internet hits than Fox and the Drudge Report combined!
Journalism students have been fascinated recently to scan Rodriquez's news updates and find that he already has written stories that no one else has reported on, and in over 62% of incidences, haven't even happened yet!
"He's everywhere, before everybody," said UK Media Critic Poncey Wilberforthe, "he's on top of sports, fashion, sex scandals, politics, personality drug deaths,new car reviews, global warming, and even Sarah Palin...not literally of course, and certainly not in a gay way, but the guy consistently beats everyone to the punch!"
The Wall Street Journal has been frustrated in trying to find out the Secret to Abel's success, but to no avail, the last three reporters assigned to the case have either gone missing, or withdrawn all their previous stories from the internet, turned in their press credentials, and vowed never to write again.
Rumours still circulate that Rodriquez, through his attorney, rebuffed an effort by Rupert Murdock to buy out his news gathering company, which remains privately owned, sending the short but effective note to Rupert which reportedly said, " Back off Boyo....I'm not a Kangaroo that you can buy!"
Rodriquez's influence is said to have been the turning point for NBC canceling Leno, and Pissing off O'Brien....ratings have been dismal as Rodriquez has been publishing their opening monologue on his own blog at least 4 hours before they go on air...and doing it better!
Some stories have been circulating that Rodriquez has a large string of reporters all around the globe that work for peanuts, and spend all their time NAKED over their laptops forwarding trivia to his communication's center, which is said to run up a bigger electric bill every month than Google!
'Spotlight on the Media' reporter and harsh critic, Melvin 'Semi-Colon' Olberdorf, summed it up best, "this guy is head and shoulders above the rest of anybody in the investigative news game....he knows even more shit than Herbert Hoover had on EVERYBODY...and tells it even before it happens!"
Rodriquez has spurned all journalistic rewards, except for a private reward bestowed on him by Roxanne Pulitzer while he was in Palm Beach shopping for some new Tommy Bahama Shirts before leaving on a recent cruise with Fernando Monte Verde, the world's most interesting man.
Said Monte Verde, " Abel is the only person that can keep me on my toes 24/7...he even knows when I'm goin' get laid before I do...and that's no mean feat...you think Warren Beatty had some numbers...he was a Piker!!"