Saint Croix, VI-- Kate Middleton has finally snagged herself a prince. The raven-haired beauty eloped last night with her longtime beau's baby brother. In the worst fraternal betrayal since Cain killed Abel, Prince Harry married Prince William's girlfriend. The two lovebirds are currently honeymooning in the balmy Virgin Islands.
"I simply became tired of waiting, and waiting, and waiting..." laughed the new Mrs. Kate Windsor. "So I got the Spare instead of the Heir--so what!" she laughed some more. "And besides, Prince William is a tosser, he would never get the nerve to ask for my hand!" she added.
"The only hand he's interested in is his left hand!" added Prince Harry.
The flame-haired younger brother had nothing but bad words for his jilted older brother.
"He's the world's biggest wanker, he masturbates at least a dozen times a day." said Prince Harry. "He's trying to grow enough hair on his left hand for a hair transplant on his bald head. He's a jerk-off." laughed the evil Prince.
Queen Elizabeth was said to be pleasantly surprised by the elopement, and sent the newlyweds her warmest wishes. The Queen admires Kate's Machiavellian moves and honoured the young woman by making her the Duchess of Windsor.
"I applaud the marriage of my grandson Harry." stated the Queen. "It's time we had some new blood in this family. Prince William is simply too much like his father, Prince Charles. They are both wankers. I am also glad to announce a new Duchess of Windsor at this time. Camilla was simply too ugly." said the Queen.
Prince William didn't have a statement to make at this time. A royal spokesman said the prince will release a statement after he finishes wanking off and washing his hands.