Canadian prime minister Steven Harper met with president Obama in Washington this week to encourage the American president to invade Canada this summer.
Unlike other countries that are concerned about a US invasion, Canada relies heavily on the US invading it every summer to purchase fishing licenses, high alcohol content beer and novelty souvenirs such as moose-poop figurines, birch bark canoes and totem poles made in China.
Canadians are afraid that with the Canadian dollar now close to par with the American greenback Americans will be staying home this summer. Most worrisome is the possibility that Americans will not be purchasing Canadian jams made from blueberries and strawberries.
While known for their resources such as oil, gas and minerals Canada also produces a large amount of jams, largely manufactured for consumption by American tourists who enjoy hearty breakfasts while visiting Canada's pristine lakes and forests.
Prime minister Harper says "Having a jam based economy puts Canada in a precarious situation politically with the US. Canada already ships most of their oil to the US and we have no weapons of any sort other than for hunting ducks, deer and moose."
"Apart from our jam there is no other reason for the US to invade us."
"This situation is very dangerous."
"I encourage all Canadians to be on their best behavior and be very polite when encountering Americans here or outside of the country until further notice."
"If the annual invasion of US citizens to Canada stops Canada has little recourse militarily against the United States. Many Canadians are already living in the US working as game show hosts, newscasters, professional wrestlers, actors and entertainers - effectively ruling out the possibility of a counter-invasion."
"The only leverage we have is a counter non-offensive based on pulling Canadians out of the US. First we would bring back Alex Trebek, shutting down the game show Jeopardy, crippling the US intellectual base. Then we will ask James Cameron to come back crippling the hot-buttered popcorn industry. Finally once the US has its guard down we would convince Howie Mandel to come back to Canada and then have him threaten to return back to the US at which point they will be at our mercy."