As the UK shivers in -18C temperatures, Minister For Crap Weather, Stormy Galesleet announced that the government were preparing to take the last resort measure of flying in famous American troubleshooter, Frankie the J from his home in West 'By God' Virginia.
Frankie the J has long been known back home as 'Frankie The Snowgrumbler' which relates to his talent for walking with his hands behing his back and grumbling under his breath, which for some inexplicable reason causes the snow and ice ahead of him to melt instantly.
"We expect Mister The J to touch down at Brize Norton sometime in the early hours of tomorrow," Galesleet informed an anxious press conference. "We anticipate that he'll start work immediately, probably on clearing the motorway network."
We managed to speak to Mister the J via satellite link as he prepared to leave the USA.
"Hold on there you plucky Brits! Frankie the J is on his way!"
Frankie's PA, Bert, smiled sheepishly at his best friend's unfortunate choice of crap rhyme.
Frankie the J is the world's foremost snow grumbler. He also has a very small penis.
He is also suspected of starting off the whole global warming thing following a trip to the arctic circle in 1984 where he first discovered his talent for snow grumbling.*
*The allegation remains an allegation.
More as we get it.