Written by Morse
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Friday, 8 January 2010

image for NBA Announces: The Russians are Coming! As Putin Protege Moves to Buy NY NETS and Gains Rights to Shooting Guard Gilbert Arenas!
New Home of the 'NY Nukes' and potent "Point & Shoot" Offense!

The NBA announced today it was one step closer to approving the 'buy in' of Mikhail Prokhorov, Billionaire Putin Protege for a professional basketball team, and the suspension of the suspension of Point & Shoot Guard Gilbert Arenas who was also waived to the NETS as part of the deal to end 'a messy situation' according to NBA officials.

Prokhorov, Russia's wealthiest man, and world's 40th most wealthy, with over $9B, controls the global production of Nickel,Polladium, gold, and Plutonium, the latter which has made him one of Putin's Favorites as the former KGB strongman continues to eliminate his political opposition.

A spokesman for Prokhorov, speaking on the condition of not being identified due to fear of death, said that even though Mikhail has a keen interest in sports, and is himself 6'9", he would not insert himself into the starting lineup, but would be available to 'come off the bench' in case a tragic shooting accident suddenly cut his squad short by 'one or two players.'

By picking up Arenas' $100M contract, $89M remains, Prokhorov relieves the Washington Wizards and the NBA of potentially harmful fallout from the recent incident where two players pointed guns at each other over an alleged gambling debt, but which was characterized merely as "a childish game of
Russian Roulette that was taken out of context.'

Prokhorov said he came to the aid of Gilbert due to his admiration for the player who showed an affinity for 'Russian Culture, Mores, and History,' and felt he would fit into the new make up for the woeful Nets, who he said would be now transformed into " a powerful, aggressive force that will be FEARED around the league...I fully expect to be in the championship game by the end of the season.....or else!"

"Any man who has enough balls to play Russian Roulette with a clip fed semi automatic pistol, is the type of guy we want on THIS team," said Mikhail.

A spokesman for Putin said he is looking forward to attending the opening game for the Nets, whose name will be changed to the' NY Nukes' and is currently negotiating with Secretary of State Hillary Clinton for a charity game between "his' team, and the President's team of choice "The Washington Lizards'.

Obama is said to have accepted the challenge 'in theory', but was as yet unsure if he would permit C-span to televise the event until he talked it over with Nancy Pelosi to 'make sure we're on the same page about transparency."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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