Washington,DC/ Taking the Pulse of the Nation
For the first time since 1934, there will not be a state of the union address by the President of the United States any time soon, according to a White House Spokesman who refused to be identified in fear of being mocked on Saturday Night Live by a Robert Gibbs Look a Like. (ed note: Oops, so much for confidential sources!)
In keeping with his laid back style of not addressing any important items for days, weeks, or even months, the Stylin' Prez, who has reduced his golf handicap by over 8 strokes in less than a year, Obama has let it be known he might get around to outlining his 'plan' for the country in late October, and no later than the middle of November, depending how the mid term elections go.
His decision , according to a his brother George in Kenya, goes back to what his mama said when he was growing up in Kenya...or Indonesia...or some heathen place, "Barry, ' she say, " if you don't got nuttin' good to say, den you just keep those big fat lips closed tight, especially if your polls are lower than whale shit on the bottom of the ocean!"
Adding further conflict to his decision is the mass retirement of dozens of key democrats who already see the hand writing on the wall and are bailing out in droves ready to cash in and work as lobbyists, consultants, and figureheads for the banking, health, and union mega movers in the world economy.
Luckily for them they will be taking their pensions, perks, and golden health care parachutes with them.
In keeping with current White House Policy, the tipster said the President would probably have a small contingent of people from Chicago he felt close to in for a VERY PRIVATE CLOSED DOOR CONFERENCE, where he will outline his goals for the remainder of his presidency.
Topics on the agenda will be legalizing all illegal immigrants, putting teamster union heads in charge of all government controlled hospitals,
abandoning all term limits for elected officials of the right party,
testing Sharia Law in Minnesota, and granting presidential pardons to Tiger Woods, Charley Wrangle (sic), Chris Dodd, Barney Frank, and his illegal alien aunt still living well on the dole in Massachusetts.
The spokesman did say, in lieu of the State of the Union address the President would be attending the Super Bowl game in Miami, but was only there to show support for 'the brothers', and wouldn't be taking any questions, and he wouldn't be flying commercial due to the current danger of 'alleged spontaneous combustion due to unfortunate human error."